lately i've been thinking that i've been such a best liar to myself..

at first, i thought i could get over this, make this pain go away.. laughing it all off behind my back and walk straight, like normal. but it is a lie, its always been the biggest lie in my life. like i carried on some heavy, quite heavy things on my shoulder..

i know i should get over this sooner or later. i mean, whats the point ? maybe i looked quite cheerful outside, but on the inside? oh boy, believe me, you dont wanna know. its crushed and broken.. like a mess pieces

God, show me the way, to get outta this misery. misery i had for a very long time, i dont even remember precisely when all of this get started. looking for new heart ? believe me, i wish i could. but how can i go on, if my heart had broken into a million oh no billion tiny pieces? i have to put it back together... but i have no idea how

still.. deep down inside i still believe i have my own man there, dont know.. somewhere i guess. waiting for me to find him, or maybe he can find and rescue me here ? that'd be great. i am not looking for appereance, cause it'll gone sooner or later. i'm looking for trustworthy heart.. someone i can rely on.. where i can be myself whenever i'm with him.. with the best laugh, best smile, best chemistry. thats all i need. here's the thing, i am not finding some rebound, a rebound so i can forget my weirdo. no.. i really do want the new heart.

its not about finding and loving some perfect person, but its about loving some imperfect person perfectly. thats exactly what i'm looking for..

i'm not in a rush..no. but it'll be great if i can find him sooner than ever, so he can help me put my tiny little pieces heart back to the frame, where it belongs.

dear you.. wherever you are, come come find me.. oh but there's one thing : i always believe in fairytale.. so i do not know anything besides the happy ending.. i dont even wanna feel the misery again.. i've had it enough.