WORD PLAY

hmmm its 11.08 pm.
oke. sebenernya gw lg ngerasa sedih bgt karena pulang2 dari pergi td ibu gw tiba2 marah2 .. emg gara2 salah gw karena ninggalin kamar dalam keadaan yang ga layak untuk dilihat. tapi agak kaget juga karena ibu marah2nya jadi merembet kemana2, hmm. honestly, i am very sensitive.. but in someway, it is really caused me too much trouble. jadi sering merasa sakit hati dan cepet down kalo dibilangin dan dimarahin org. anyway, my mom just preached me about so many things. one of those things was, how irrenspossible i am, well exactly as a girl. entah kenapa ibu gw sering banget kalau marah ngebahas masalah itu. bagaimana gw seharusnya sebagai anak perempuan harus ini dan itu dan bla bla bla. memang gw ngerasa bgt yang dibilangin ibu gw itu benar. but, it just made me think, am i really that bad? seriously.. hmm. kalo jadi cewek tuh harus ini itu dan lain2 ktanya.. sedangkan gw gak gitu2 amat.......... at some point, that just made me realize that i hav to be better. i have to !
gimana caranya.. gw juga masih belajar. emang ternyata banyak bgt dalam hhidup ini yg harus kita pelajarin.. hhh i bet this year could be the most unhappy year of my life. tapi ditahun ini juga gw sebenernya banyak belajar ttg hal-hal baru...bener-bener menguras seluruh pikiran dan perasaan gw. 2009 bener2 tahun yang berat. mmm above all, i am just me.. a simpy person who is trying to better, and pleased everyone around me. i like seeing people smile and happy of things that i did.. tapi didalemnya sendiri, i am way worse than that. i am selfish, egocentris, irrenspossible, and so on, so on, so on...haaaaah. ya Allah guide me to Your way.. always :)

emang ibu tuh pasti tau banget apa yang dibutuhin anaknya.. makanya walaupun sedih dan sakit karena  apa yang ibu bilangin, but honestly it really helped me a lot. thanks mom, i mean it.............
but seriously, am i really that bad ? i wanna change.. i wanna be better..
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its 11.47 pm
well, what do i hav to write now.
hmmm
lately i kinda' like this quotation (in indonesia) biar lambat asal selamat.. hahaa
dont know where did that words crossed my mind exactly..tapi gw sangat percaya bahwa segala sesuatu harus dilakukan dengan pelan-pelan dan seksama, supaya hasilnya pun baik. too naive? didn't think so..
when it came to relationship, it goes like this. don't be in a rush, to decide who you wanna be with.. cause you know, as for me.. relationship is not just some game for us to play. its a commitment.
yeah, according to some friend, you really hav to know the one that you've decided to hav a commitment with.. not only the skin, but much-much deeper than that. bukannya ingin mengungkit masa lalunya atau gimana, tapii sgt penting untuk kita tau seperti apa sebenarnya org yang akan bersama dengn kita nanti.. well, we're not talking about sacral commitment as a marriage, NOT! :p ini masih dalam tahap penjajakan atau biasa kita kenal dengan pacaran.
sometimes, in my 20 age now.. gw rasa lebih penting untuk bisa nemuin seseorang yang benar-benar mengerti kita like a perfect match daripada nemuin seseorang yang hanya bisa dipanggil "pacar".
ya gak sih? i am very longing to meet my own perfect match, my soulmate. tp kadang ragu juga apakah benar-benar bisa ketemu dengan dia? hmmm, bad experience in the past just made me felt really unsure about that. cause the one that i thought the best, was basically bailed on me just like that.. without any single word of explanation.
karena itu sekarang, berteman sebanyak-banyaknya dengan semua org, maybe quite a good problem solver for me. tryin to see people in very new way of prespective. 
mmm, biar lambat asal selamat? maybe just my saviour quotation! :p
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nighty night people! well, its almost midnight and i'm still up up up...


a few seconds ago i'm just thinking about something that makes me want to spill it out on my blog haha. do love at first sight really happens in real life? i mean really really happens? well i'm not really sure since i've never felt that way ever before. so, i guess i don't believe in love at first sight. haha is that okay?
i mean hey its love we're talking about people! love doesnt come just like that, snap! you know..
love is a process, when you know someone, get to know him deeper and deeper.. and true love is surely unconditional. you dont need any returning from the one you love..right?
what i've learned along the way.. well i believe that love will grow by some process.. long process. hmmm, but i'm not sure, am i really ever fell in love before? hahahahaaha thats funny! i'm not really sure about that..
love isnt always about appereance right? its about how comfortable you could be with him/her .. thats love (my own version :p) but how come, the one that you love is the one that always made you cried the most ? mmm is that really love? if that's so, why you're crying? aren't you supposed to be happy? well. some big dilemma !
well, according to me.. when (i think) i love someone, i could see him in a really different side from everyone else. like i could tell every detail from his looks! even when everyone won't say so hahaha
and everything of him just looked good on me.. :)

so, love at first sight? just some fairytale, huh? :p




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haaa~ today was a long long day
me and my friends were just visiting our dearest friend Ayip Lufti.. who's been sick since 3-4 weeks ago. well, as far as i could tell, he's really in pain, he cant even sit ! :_( 
i'm having some trouble here to tell you the situation in english ;p the thing is kakinya ayip tuh sakit, gabisa digerakin sama sekali.. bahkan untuk digeser2 sakit. katanya ada masalah sama syaraf dan engsel blablabla.. pokoknya dia bener2 kesakitan dan hanya tidur aja sepanjang hariii. hmm i was really sad ! well, for real, could you picture yourself in the same condition with him? cant even walk, run or even sit and laugh freely ? thats really painful. but i know, well everything surely happens for a reason right? maybe God had planned something bigger for him.
hmm so now, he's postponed his classes. hal-hal lain yang bisa gw bilang ialah betapa besarrrr rasa sayang ayah ibunya selama ayip sakit. dianter jemput ke kampus(ya iyalah! kan lagi sakit) trus apa yaaa, gw selalu ngerasa aja, kalau kita sakit org tua kita tuh akan samaaa sakitnya sama kita, lebih repot lebih khawatir dan segalanya. that just makes me realized, betapa besaaar rasa sayang dan peduli orgtua kita ! eventhough, sometimes we bailed on them, hate them, yelled some bad words to them.. hmmm :_(


back to ayip.. well i just wanna say  Ayip, keep praying, keep wishing and always always keep your spirit high !! as high as you can .. because you know, our mind is the best power we got.. if you believe that you can make it through, thats what you get in the end !! ayip is one of my bestfriend too, so i will always praaaayyy the best for your health now ! so we can hang and play and laugh together again on campus. kita balapan lari ya yip nanti ! ;p we miss youuuu yip. get back soooonnn. we believe you would get through this, if you always keep your faith strong :)



 
ayip, tetap semangat yaaa. percayalah bahwa Allah punya rencana yang luarbiasa indah dibalik semua yg terjadi.. :)) keep your faith stronggggg, i know you would !
SEMANGAT KAWAN :)

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