u know, I may not a 100% honest when I said I'm okay or totally over it but at least I tried. well perhaps I succeeded for abt 75% ? the rest is just some tickling memories that often came by to surprised me, even in my sleep. I know it may sound crazy, but probably I got a little loony? haha ofcourse not.
sometimes thngs just happened the way u dont expect them to be, thats why it surprises me a lot! when I think everything fell apart, then I found it that everythings gonna be okay in the end, bcs u know, someone said so. but when I finally decided to 'okay, I guess everything is gonna be okay' then woop! every single fucking thing just went to be crashed and burnt :( sadly but I think I lost the most. yes I am.
but u know, ppl said theres always a rainbow that came after the rain. I hv to admit it that my gloomy time should hv been over by now. I'm not saying that I still mourn this time, but! I just not found any rainbows yet now. not yet. couples of minutes ago, I tweeted that wont livin in hate which is a very good chance for those fuckin bad memories to stop by on my head. I wanna live in peace God. why is it so hard for me to accept that, yes...I lost the most now. this is not abt I want to get back to the past, which is I'm very certain for it. this is just about, fixing of whats broken. altho' I know that I wont be able to fix it perfectly, but at least there's something worth to try, rite?
my bestfriends may said that 'this experience would lead to another better version of ur self N' well yeah, I hope so, mates :) I really do. may I state once again that I DONT WANT TO GO BACK THERE, I really dont. I just need to.. u know re-shape my very crooked heart now. rearrange so that whenever another person tried to come in, it wont look so messy anyway. so, in order to do that, I may shall wash away what happened last (if I may copied that from Jared Leto's lyric) so I wont live in curiosity, hate and feel like I wont be 'hole' anymore. I DO REALLY WANT TO LIVE IN PEACE, with u with him with her with them with every single ppl on this planet (and mars..)
and yes, I really hope for u to come. my future... ') cause past and present just wont fit me anymore.
























